Taking care of your pets when the Rapture occurs

"You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved.  But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind?   Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind." .  

Yes, for the sum of $135, plus $20 per additional animal, the people at Eternal Earth-Bound Pets will guarantees for ten years that your "left behind" pets are taken care of.  The company is staffed by atheists, so you'll know they'll be there for your pets.

Another company, After The Rapture Pet Care, offers similar services:

Top Ten Rapture Tips

Top Ten Rapture Tips from the General:

10. Pass gas before leaving atmosphere to prevent embarrassing trajectory changes.

9. Bring a firearm in case some bastard cuts you off at the Kolob exit.

8. Refrain from drinking liquids--God ain't going to pull over.

7. Good manners dictate that you shake Jesus' hand before hugging Ayn Rand and punching Gandhi.

6. Call out greetings to friends immediately after liftoff--in space, no one can hear you scream.

5. To decrease atmospheric friction, refrain from using Cialis, Viagra, or any other hardening agents after midnight on Friday.

4. Wear clean underwear; you don't want to embarrass your mother if you're the bastard who cuts me off at the Kolob exit.

3. Bring a big bottle of Aquafina. Jesus loves a good wine.

2. Don't buzz the Jews.

1. Keep your sunroof open.